Q. Do you have a definition for a true Alaskan? -Goofy
A. Sure, Goofy. (is that really your name?) You know you are an Alaskan if:
Your relatives and friends think you live too far away for them to come visit you…but keep asking why you don’t visit them?
You call a 1-800 # to order something out of a catalog and are told they do not ship outside the ‘continental USA’, and if you want it shipped, it will cost more than the item!
You sometimes put up with the pain of a toothache until your Permanent Fund check comes in October.
You have learned in the summer never to say to your kids, “now, be home before dark!”
You know that a ‘tail dragger’ is a bush airplane, and not a bad day at the office.
The reason you don’t own poodles, or other really small dogs, is because an eagle swooped down and carried off the last one. (this happened to two of our friends!)
You like your neighbors because they live far away.
You go to dances, weddings and church in Levi’s, flannel shirts, and bunny boots or hiking boots. . .and your wife and kids do too.
You know that a ‘Spenard divorce’ involves a 357 magnum and not a lawyer.
A ‘vacation’ is going to the nearest river to fish for salmon.
You measure distance in hours, not in miles.
You kid’s school is never canceled because of below zero weather. (well not until 50 below anyway, we learned when we lived in Copper Center.)
The last thing you do at night is plug in your car block heater.
You never lock your car, house or shop, at least not if you live in the country.
Your kid’s think the four food groups are moose, caribou, berries and salmon.
You know two seasons – winter and road construction!
You carry a sleeping bag, flashlight, shovel, canned goods, kitty litter, and a jumper cable in your car.
Your idea of summer time exercise is cutting down trees, hauling and splitting and stacking your supply of firewood for the winter. Your idea of winter time exercise is hauling the wood in to your wood stove.
Your idea of getting close to nature, is a trip to the outhouse in the middle of the night. (it helps a lot to hang a toilet seat on a nail behind your woodstove and then grab it and shove it inside your parka and run like heck before it cools off!)
And that, dear readers, is a small part of being an Alaskan!