Q. Does Alaska have a state nut? Thanks. Laurie

A. Oh, you bet we do! That’s gotta be my Uncle Artie. One time we were having a birthday party and he was lighting the candles on the cake. He went to blow out the match, but he was distracted by something Aunt Inez was saying and he looked away just at the crucial time – and set his mustache on fire! Boy, was that exciting! He was so vain about that mustache, so we thought it was totally hilarious. But then, it doesn’t take much to amuse this tribe.

Another time, on a crisp sub-zero winter day, Artie had a fine idea. He would scare the you-know-what out of Inez. They were visiting us while we were still living in a primitive cabin out in the ‘bush’. We had an outhouse but had, what we thought, was a good way of handling the problem of ‘frozen buns’. We would keep a toilet seat hanging on a nail behind the woodstove. When nature called, you would grab the warm toilet seat, shove it inside your parka and run like the dickens for the two-holer, before it had much time to cool off. Inez announced that she was going to make a trip down the path and while she was getting her boots, mittens and parka on, Artie slipped out and hid behind a big hump of snow near the path to the outhouse. When Inez came alongside, Artie gave a mighty convincing growl. Aunt Inez, who was paranoid of bears didn’t even stop to think there couldn’t be a bear outside this time of year. She was terrified and giving a loud scream, she threw out both arms, flinging the toilet seat high and wide as she slipped on the icy path. The toilet seat landed on the windshield of Artie’s pickup, shattering it royally, which we thought was good enough for him! He was pretty subdued for awhile after that.

Yes, I’m sure that Uncle Artie is our State Nut!

P.S. Seriously, Laurie, we don’t have a state nut, as in pecan, walnut, hazel, etc. Sadly, nuts you can eat don’t grow here. -BJ